I have been on the battle field for the past few months; Battling negative thoughts, fears and anxiety. The feeling that I am not well has gotten my nerves. And as you know super moms like me need not be sick. Having these thoughts, it magnify my biggest fear of leaving the kids “forever”. I was only eight years old when my mother joined our creator and it was this chapter of my life that I don’t want my kids to experience.
And so the enemy found out my weakness and it is there where he tried to crash me. The devil is trying to make me believe that something is wrong with me. I have been “doctor hopping” for the past 2 months, I have been to pulmonologist, cardiologist, neurologist, endocrinologist, ophthalmologist and tmj specialist. Of all these visits, I thank God that most of my lab tests were normal except for the pulmonary function test that showed a mild obstruction ventilator defect, which according to the doctor is a mild asthma. And that explains my SOB episodes. Also, I found out that my sugar and uric acid are a little over the border line. EMJ and ECG went normal and the rest of my blood chem. Therefore, there’s nothing serious going on my body, it was only the negative thoughts; the lies that the enemy is feeding me that keeps me miserable for a few days. There was one night that I felt like my head will burst because it was loaded with negative thoughts. I tried to sleep just to give my mind a rest, but it just don’t let me. Until I cried out in prayer and surrender to God because in all honesty I cannot bear it anymore. I asked Him to take away all the negative thoughts, fears and anxiety. There I felt comfort and seems I have unloaded the heavy load inside my mind. Plus a sensible discussion over the phone with my OFW hubby and I felt better.
1 Peter 5:6-8 says Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. I am holding to this promise, and I believe that my God, Lord Jesus is mighty and powerful and will deliver me from negativity. And as He works on me, I decided to stay positive and overload my mind with positive thought coz as Joyce Meyer once said, power thought shapes our life. I thank you Lord!